day 1 of tv after nap times

Today was the first day I banned all television watching until after nap time, which means 3pm at the earliest. A few predicted (p) things happened and a few unexpected (u).

In the morning the kids kept asking me to watch television (p). Joel screamed (his new thing since he witnessed Katherine's episode of steroid psychosis earlier this week, fun times) about not getting to watch "Boo's Due's" AKA Blues Clues (p). I almost gave in a few times (p). I kept looking at the clock counting down minutes to nap time (u - HEY! I didn't say unexpected couldn't have been predicted). Katie asked me several times if she could wake up Joel (p). The evening was more chaotic (u) - hoping this is a result of it being an unusual day for us, not tv time moving. Less tv was watched (u). More fighting in the morning (p). Free pedicure for mommy (u)!

I enlarged it so you can more fully appreciate the artwork. :-) Joel did his, Katie did hers and Joel did mine. It was fun to remind Katie that she used to paint my toenails too. "When I was two?" "Yes, when you were two."

My husband is a nerd. He claims I only say this because I haven’t seen the people he attends school with in the digital media department. I say, there are gradients of nerd and his friends’ greater nerdiness does not make him a non-nerd. Hopefully this gives you context to understand why when he took the two older ones to school this week, they came home with 3 animated movies: Pinocchio, The Hobbit (or "Habit" if you're Katherine) and Lord of the Rings. So they are all trying to finish The Hobbit and watch Lord of the Rings when I make a run to the store for more pot stickers since Joel is willing to eat them and Aaron wanted Chinese food. At the store I run into a friend who reminds me that the Trunk-or-Treat (like a safe trick-or-treat in a parking lot) is happening in fifteen minutes. Being sick all week (in fact, I'm still sick but these antibiotics are whispering sweet lies in my ears), I had completely forgotten about it. I go back and forth but ultimately decide to take the kids for a little while.

I shut the door to my van so you couldn't see the mess. :-)

Getting home with five minutes to spare, this is what we end up with. A pink unicorn (I didn’t even bother to suggest a different outfit to go under the costume) and a male cheerleader. Okay, honestly, Joel doesn’t care. Last year I made him go as a “Handsome Vampire” (sparkly skin and all!) because he’s handsome and I figured this year he’d have an opinion. But really, he doesn’t care yet. We were discussing ideas out loud and I mentioned pom-poms and he was all thrilled about that. A few weeks ago, he wanted to be a lion. Whatever. We wrote the local high school’s letters on his cheeks, grabbed a backpack (since he's in high school, duh, like totally) and off we went! And I don’t think we coughed on anyone. 

After 35 minutes it was home to finish what ended up being dinner (thank you, honey) and the rest of the movie. So it was a little chaotic because the evening was less organized and probably because I don't love the noise of tv. So while my kids were less obnoxious, my quieter time of the day was less quiet. 

Still, most days I think the later tv viewing will help distract during the chuck of time usually devoted to dinner prep, some clean up and nursing. Since they needed baths tonight that cut further into tv time and they watched less than the allotted 1.5hrs. That was a plus.

loathing proactively

Loathing, not as in the song from Wicked but as in the days following June 21st, when the day light gets smaller and smaller and smaller until BAM! It looks like midnight at 5:30pm! I'm from FL and perhaps this is just a things-are-better-in-memory symptom but I do NOT recall growing up being bored out of my mind at 5:30 because it is dark and you're stuck inside. But now I live in UT and adjustments must be made.

Yesterday was one of those loathed winter days. It was overcast, we were (are) all sick and the kids were just getting to each other and me. So I decided to be proactive. We melted some chocolate, dipped in pretzel rods and then rolled the rods in mini reeses pieces. Not as visually spectacular as I'd envisioned but they still tasted good. After the chocolate hardened a tiny bit we loaded in the van and headed out to "ghost" two of our neighbors. [Ghosting is a "thing" where you anonymously drop off a treat at two homes. Attached to the treat is a paper explaining that they have been "ghosted" and now they are to make two copies, tape the paper in their window or door - so as to not be re-ghosted - and ghost two other homes. It's fun. We got caught both times so obviously our ninja skills are lacking.]

Then it was done. [Twiddle thumbs...] "Hey! You guys want to take the car to get a bath?" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" So we drove through the car wash. The last time we did this, Joel found it terrifying. This time, he found it fascinating. Drive-thru van washes may become a weekly event here!

reading "boos cues" as Joel calls it :-) Well, Clare might be trying to eat it.

Then it was done and we came back home and we were in the exact same situation we were prior to the chocolate mess on my counter. How did that not suck up more time? [Twiddle thumbs... nothin.] [Check clock... 1.5hrs to go. Holy crap.] As it turns out, at some point before bed all three kids ended up on my lap (a feat made possible by illness and a recliner) and I spent 30 minutes singing songs I could remember from my childhood. I don't know, I think the last time Joel sat still for 30 minutes was when Br. Marvin allowed Joel to sit on his lap during Sacrament meeting. It ended up being real nice. Too bad I can't sing for 30 minutes every day.

I have a new plan of action. Starting tomorrow, the television is not allowed on until AFTER Joel gets up from his nap. The kids seem to have an easier time entertaining themselves without fighting in the morning, so why waste tv time during this golden hour? We'll see how it goes.

take care of yourself

I spent a few years as a therapist after graduation, and more time in the profession while a student. As I worked, I noticed that I had to detox after I got home. Aaron was often gone since he stayed on base days and days at a time but if he was home, my detox time could cause a problem until it was defined and respected. See, taking care of people and being "on" for 10 hours a day sucks a lot of life force from a person. I think it is especially difficult for introverts like myself. It is just so draining. (So try a minimum of 13 hours plus a few late-night/early-morning calls.) Way back then my husband and I discussed this need of mine and figured out ways to make it work. Fast forward half a decade and a person is bound to forget things!

It took me a while tonight to figure out why (and it's true as horrible as it sounds) I just didn't care anymore. I was maxed out. You have a problem? Sorry. I just don't care. I can't do any more caring. It is Tuesday and since Saturday I have been going, going, going with a party (a huge energy sucker for me right there), sick kids, 4 trips to the doctor in 4 days (2 of those after-hours), a panic moment this morning when my son couldn't breath right, feeling sick myself and just so many other little things that seem so much larger in real life.

I think what sucked up my last few drops of compassion was Joel whining for hours this afternoon for me to pick him up. It was just sucky all around because Clare is also not feeling well and she's only 6 months so she also wants to be held. Today happened to be the day that the applesauce needed to be made. Who knew my crazy monster of a son would be just the right amount of sick to want his mommy. So I just wanted to cuddle with him but could only steal moments. And the whining, oh the whining (have you had enough of mine yet?). I think I have a moderate to high tolerance of whining, but it does get to me and after a whole afternoon of it, I was on edge.

You know, we nearly got a puppy twice before having babies but both times I dragged my feet. Why? Because I didn't want to have to take care of something! I know, I know! Why in the world was a drawn to the counseling field? And why did I have children? Good questions, but much to complex to address in this post. Oh, as it relates to not wanting to take care of others? See, I think part of the appeal of therapy is to not care for others week after week, but watch and assist as they learn to care for themselves! And children? I hope they don't look back and seem this mother bird pushing them out of the nest before their wings were even dry, but I want them to be independent! Only part of me sees something wrong when a 4-year-old will get up and get herself breakfast on the odd day that I'm still in bed. Yay that she knows how to do it! So long as she feel nurtured in other ways, I think it's great!

So to summarize, the past few days have taken their toll on this mother. I can not and will not be of much value to myself or anyone else if I don't take care of me. My mental state tonight has clued me in that I need to do just that. So I'm getting off now, taking a HOT shower and climbing into bed. And who knows, if the shower rejuvenates, I may even read something fun before I drift off to sleep.

speading the horror feels good

Last year a friend of ours was in a nursing home/rehab place. One one of our visits there we dropped off a hand-drawn leaf colored in with glued pieces of Fall leaves. Then we noticed her neighbor and I got to thinking. So we dropped one off for her as well. She oohhed and awwwed over it, speaking with a thick German accent that was lovely to listen to. On one of our next visits I peeked into the neighbor's room. She was asleep, but that leaf was hanging on her bulletin board.

This week at Clare's Primary Children's Hospital visit I noticed a little craft set out for kids to do in the waiting room (I HEART Primary Children's for this, and the man who was sanitizing everything in said waiting room). It looked simple and fun enough that I thought we might give it a try here. And I think we might just make a few extra to distribute at the rehab place - when my children aren't walking petri dishes.

supplies

Supplies consist of paper plates with the middles cut out so they look kind of like wreaths (because that's the idea). Paper to cut shapes out of and glue.

VOILA! 

(Aaron helped me with the bats.)

And I know some of you more particular people can make it look 10 times better. Spread some Halloween Horror! Serving is fun!

coconut ice cream

What's the male version of a geisha? I don't know, but whatever it is, my husband has been epitomizing it for the past few days.

Thursday night (okay, we all know it was really Friday morning) I woke up frequently feeling sick. When I got up Friday, boy was I sick. Throwing up tons followed by aches and soreness. It was yucky. I rarely get this type of sickness and thank goodness. My husband is almost never home this semester and I'm grateful my illness fell on a day when he was home AND felt able to help out. What a lot of people don't understand is that even when Aaron is home, he's often not available because he does his projects from home. So we try to leave him alone.

 I woke him up Friday to express my need for help. I need to remember that when my husband is half asleep he doesn't say the things he'd normally say when fully awake (he stays up until 4am to work while the kids are in bed). So after being basically told that he would not be able to help me, I suffered in silence a little while longer. Fast forward... Aaron remembers almost nothing of that conversation but the rest of the day he entertained the kids, took them out, brought Clare to me when she needed to nurse, encouraged me to take a warm bath, asked how I was whenever he heard me loosing my bile and brought me saltines and powerade.

That night I tried to go to bed early but Joel woke up sick and I was chilly. So Aaron came and cuddled with me (can I get a sweet "Ahhhhhhhh"), only taking slight advantage of my sickened state (TMI?).

Saturday was Katie's b-day party and my trip with Joel to the doctor for croup. Katie comes with me to the doctor (because she likes going there for whatever odd-ball reason) but Clare is asleep so I leave her with Aaron. I'm gone LESS THAN AN HOUR, planning to nurse her as soon as I get home and what do I find? An empty cradle, a missing husband and no second car. I. FREAK. OUT. See, I have this thing about feeding my children. Should the time come when I can not feed their bellies, I may literally go insane. It is the most basic "job" of a mom! So basic, in fact, that nature has even provided a way for my body to make food for my babies! And he wouldn't answer his phone! Anyway, it was an unpleasant experience for this mom but it did result in my anxious energy out-letting on the dirty dishes. So that's good, right?

I’ve been forbidden to consume dairy for over a month now. Every time husband waves a doughnut in my face asking if I want a bite and then remember I can’t have a bit, I think he’s struck with some kind of guilt. He has been on the hunt for a dairy-free “treat” as he calls it since the first week. So I thought I’d help him out. 

A friend told me about coconut ice cream Sunflower Market sells that is supposedly divine. I texted her asking her to tell him about it. She did, but he didn't mention it to me which leads me to believe that he has yet to discover that I know about the ice cream. I'm expecting a "HEY!!!!" from the other room any minute now...

So where was he Saturday afternoon with my hungry baby (who apparently did not act hungry while out and about with her papa)? Getting me ice cream. What a sweet man. See Robyn (my mother-in-law), one less thing for you to apologize for. :-)

Oh, and the ice cream? Fab-u-lous. 

katie turns five (the party part)

Katherine's b-day is November 8 but in UT I try to celebrate it early (like September if I can swing it) for two reasons 1) we have a small home and trying to fit more than 8 kids in it is crazy, 2) spreads the gift giving out a little more. This year the party landed on today, October 22.

Hahaha. Last night Aaron asked Joel if he was going to have fun at the party. Joel responded, "Yeah. Dake." (As in "Cake".) Hahahaha. 

farm party mud cake = pudding with a gummy worm covered in cookie crumbles

 
Katherine wanted a farm party (like when she turned 3). I did what I could to talk her out if it over the period of weeks but when I informed her that we don't really know anyone with baby animals right now and her response was, "Then we can have mommy and daddy animals!" I gave in. Farm parties take work because I have to scrounge up animals! So I got a promises of a goat from one friend and bunnies and kittens from another. Great. Okay.

Then yesterday hits. I woke up several times feeling sick and when the morning rolled around, I was still ill. It took half the day for me to vomit up whatever my body thought needed to be expelled and the next half was spent in aches and pains. THANK GOODNESS Aaron was home and willing to help with the kids. I needed to heal. But the only party prep I did was to cut out pig noses. Thankfully, I'd already purchased everything needed and gotten game ideas from my sister and had a rough idea of how things needed to run because I was party-useless on Friday.

place your hands behind your back and try to bite the apple. hahaha

So this Saturday morning rolls around and we get the rest of the stuff set up. The idea is simple: move the kitchen table (actually a patio table that folds - yay!) outside, cover with paper, prep prizes, prep mud desserts, clear off concrete area (I've given up hope it will be clean), prep games, gather animals. Okay, go. My sister-in-law came over just to help and Katherine was all to happy to pitch in.

kiddos ready to catch their coins and get a prize. Or Joel in the background there bypassing the coin catching part.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But the morning turned out to be a tad stressful. First off, things were taking a while to get done. THEN my friend who had promised the bunnies and kitties (and her children who my daughter invited) texted to inform me that they are out of town. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!. But I can go get the bunnies at least from their backyard. Okay, fine. Drive up and am met not by two cute bunnies but a huge mastiff. So I call and get my friend's husband, "Um, there is a dog in your backyard." "Do you have a t-bone?" Sorry, I know we haven't interacted much and I realize this is going to leave you with a poor impression of me but I'm low on a sense of humor this morning. "Her name's Harley. You should be fine if she's not growling at you." Get out of car, approach fence, talk to dog, let myself in, barked at by dog, growled at by dog, let myself out. Then I get to explain to Katherine that there will be no bunnies. She's already taken the blows that her three good friends and two cousins won't be coming but now she looks really disappointed. My girl does what she does best and gathers information to come up with solutions. The dog growled because Harley didn't know you? Oh, well, she knows me, "I can go get the bunnies." "Uh, sorry, honey, I'm not sending you into the back yard with the dog."

puddind-up Joel and Snowflake

 But things worked out. Another friend let us borrow their bunny on the spur of the moment (THANK YOU!), the kittens were done without and the goat arrived a little later. People arrived, mud was eaten, prizes were picked, a pig was nosed, apples were bitten (that was entertaining), farm animals were frozen and gifts were unbagged (I think ours were the only wrapped ones in the bunch). I am grateful to all who made my big girl's party special.

"Hmm. What will I find in here?"

When planning a party for a kid it's important to remember that it is their party and really the only thing that matters is if she enjoyed it. Katie thought it was great so I call that a success.

our week of um.... geology

I was browsing the Utah Education Curriculum website, checking out where I needed to focus Katherine and I came across something about rocks and dirt. I thought it was hi-lar-i-ous. Rocks? Dirt? Part of the state curriculum. hahahaha. Then I post it on facebook thinking it's all so funny and someone labels it for me: geology. FAIL. But moving past that... I created a bit of a unit for the week. Katherine was super excited - especially when she got to smash up rocks to make dirt. But what really caught me off guard was how stoked Joel was! I ended up making him his own little book too! Such a cutie.

I (as teacher) started by checking out several books from the local (tiny) library to give me some guidance and ideas. 

I had her start by going into the yard and finding a rock that would be her favorite. Then she drew a picture in her Rock Book.

One of our first activities was to go outside and collect various types of dirt. Honestly, I was nervous that we wouldn’t find the target amount of 4. But there were plenty to go around! (Look at teacher bein' teached!) We glued samples in the squares and discussed what makes dirt different. We smashed rocks into dirt. Katie was amazed to learn that rocks can make dirt. We (uh, I do me “we”) learned about “ORGANIC MATTER” and how that contributes to soil as well. Joel had a great time with the gluing and smashing.

check out those great samples!

We (well, this time I mean Katie) also dug a hole and put the dirt in one of Aaron’s sacred peanut butter jars (the man likes to drink out of them and that’s fine but he insists on having at least 2 AND THEY TAKE UP SO MUCH SPACE!) (still, I swear I would have used something else if I’d had a suitable container). Then we filled the other half with water and shook it up. Then swung it back and forth. Oh, I guess we put the cover on after adding the water - don't forget that part. Over the next several days we watched as the debris settled and layers formed. We talked about this and Katie drew a picture of her observations in her Rock Book (which she noted is just like what Sid the Science Kid [PBS] does!).

I also (kind of forced since she was a taaaaad tired that day and becomes leeeeess cooperative with tired) had Katie flip through a book with beautiful photos of rocks, gems, land forms. We discussed what she saw and I pointed out some of my favorite stones; including the ones on my engagement ring, just to drive it home a bit. I didn’t think she needed to read about all of those. I just wanted her to see how diverse and wonderful these creations are. I wanted her to get a feel for what is out there and how cool this world really is. Grumpy at the beginning but impressed by the end, I think it was a success.

salisbury steak

I'm a cookin' bloggin' machine tonight!

I purchased ground beef last week - an event that has become increasingly rare since watching Food Inc. - so I have a 5lbs roll in the fridge and wanted something to do with it. Found a salisbury steak recipe that of course I didn't have all the ingredients for so I improvised and I think it was WONDERFUL!!!  Again, I don't really measure so I'll do my best here.

Approximately 1.5lbs of ground beef.

1 egg

1/2 c bread crumbs

pepper

onion powder

seasoning salt

1/4 c oil

Mix all together and then make into thin meat patties. Fry in pan until browned on both sides. Transfer to baking dish. Do this until all patties are browned and transferred.

Without cleaning out the frying pan, add:

packet of onion soup mix 

Worcestershire sauce (I just realized I've been saying this incorrectly my entire life) 

garlic powder

about a cup of beef broth

can of mushrooms

Bring to a boil, stirring frequently. Pour over top the patties and pop in 350 oven until done. I served it with brown rice and cucumbers. Yummmmmmm

obviously, this as after I partook of the fruits of my labor

roasted parsley potatoes

huge bag of said potatoes

In general, I don’t do potatoes. Why? Because I spent the last decade pretty sure they did nothing for you nutritionally and I don’t like peeling them. Now that I know most of the nutrition is in the skin or close to it, I will wash potatoes instead of peeling them. I think I like that even less now that my scrubber I used for that exact purpose died a satisfying death of use. But when a sign up sheet was passed around at church for 50lbs of red potatoes for $15, I thought about it for a few minutes and took it as a challenge.

Got my bag a few weeks ago and have made several servings since then. The first one I tried is a recipe I loooooove to have when I go out to eat or am at a catered dinner, but my previous attempts have been disappointments. Well, I’m pleased to announce that I did it! Roasted Parsley Potatoes! And they are yummy!!! My family may get sick of them before I’m done. The flavor is great, and the middles just kind of pop onto your tongue with this amazingly creamy texture. I love eating them.

just to give you an idea of the size of these suckers

So, you can see what it consists of. A few washed and cut red potatoes from my massive bag. (Sorry, I’m one of those annoying people who don’t measure often.) The pictured ingredients sprinkled and poured over top and tossed in to fully coat. If you want to eat them that night, put tin foil or a cover on so they steam. You can take it off the last 10ish minutes to brown more if you want. Oh, and I don’t know how long I cook them for – just until they are done.

I did try freezing some. I did not personally try them but gave the frozen ones to a friend. She may have just been being nice but she did say they were yummy. After a little research, I baked the to-be-frozen ones with no cover so they did not cook all the way to the center. When she wanted to use them she was instructed to put them in a covered oven dish and bake at 350 until done.

Give it a try.

then and now

As part of my job as activities coordinator I permit 1.5 hrs or less of television/movie viewing each day. It depends on behavior. And I may add another 30 minutes if I need some sanity time at the end of the day. But it's usually a 1.5 hr.

Last night I began to think about The Little Mermaid. Not as in the traditional fairy tale but as in the Disney movie. I grew up with Disney. It and it's movies hold many fond memories for me. But I question if I should pass those onto my children just because I made memories with them or if we should perhaps create different childhood memories. Why? Here is the comparison of my then and now thoughts on Disney's The Little Mermaid:

THEN:
Wow, Ariel is so pretty. I want seashell cups just like those. Maybe I can make some. I can't believe she doesn't get caught looking on the human's ship, but it's not like they could catch her anyway. Sebastian sure doesn't seem like he meant to give her away to her father, King Triton. I think she was kind of mean to him. "Why don't you go tell my father? You're good at that," was a bit of a [insert child's term for "low blow"]. "Betcha on land they understand. Bet they don't reprimand their daughters." HA. HA. Dream again, Ariel, they are just as bad or worse on land! Man, I'd be scared going into that witch's creepy lair. Doesn't she see all those seaweed things are trying to warn her? No! Don't make a deal with the sea witch! Well, how you gonna tell him you love him now? You don't speak! But you do love him and it's true love so that will win in the end. Sebastian and Flounder and such good friends to stick around and put themselves into danger just to protect you. I sure want friends like that. Kiss her! KISS HER! KISS HER! ohhh. He missed it. Too bad. Try again! Uh! Boys are so stupid. Doesn't he see? Oh no the sea witch is gonna marry the prince! Boys are so stupid. I can't believe Ariel's father would do that for her! Oh no! Everyone is going to die if Ursula is in charge of the ocean. Gross, Prince Eric just sliced through that witch. Come on. Now the Prince knows. Can't he love her even though she's a mermaid?! Oh, look, her daddy changed her and now she's getting married! That's so nice!


NOW:
Holy cow, this girl is barely dressed and I brought the book to church! I'm so not comfortable with this. But if I'm not comfortable having it in church then should I have it in my home??? Almost no one has that kind of a figure, especially at 16. And can't she just put some clothes on already?! Also, I've swam in the ocean many times and my hair never looks like that soaked with salt water, why can't they draw something realistic?  What a STUPID thing to do. Oh yes, let's go poke around the dangerous creature's ship. We won't get caught because we never have before! Ugh, dumb teenagers. Sebastian, you are the lousiest employee ever. If I were King Triton, I'd fire you. YOU'RE JOB IS TO WATCH OUT FOR THE TEENAGER! NOT SIDE WITH HER!!! UGH!! Wait, hold up a second. IN LOVE? You aren't in love. Oh no no no. Love is developed upon a foundation of effort, time, friendship and arguments. No, you are not in love. At this point you are not in lust deep enough to cause any more harm than some crying and a cracked heart. Back out now. You do have a choice in "love". Oh that's great, little one. When you can't get what you want you go make a deal with the devil. That's a great idea because those always turn out wonderful. So you're gonna get screwed by the sea witch and you don't even see it. Not only have you placed yourself and your own life in peril, you are jeopardizing all those around you as well. And, by the way, at 16, it IS NOT your life yet. Not until you've invested as many hours of sweat, blood and tears into your own development as those who truly love you already have. Those lousy friends of yours need to high-tail it out of there and go tell your father, like 15 minutes ago. This is no longer a loyalty issue, this is real-life dangerous. Oh look at that, the guy you were willing to sacrifice everything for is marrying another woman. He's under a spell, I give him that, but you see what you've gotten yourself into now? You are selfish and short-sighted. And so is your dad. To sacrifice himself for you is one thing, but he is placing the whole of the seas on the alter for you. Sorry, but at that point, you just have to live with the consequences of the choices you've made. Oh, okay, your daddy finally got that it's better to let you  have some freedom. Okay, I can live with that. You look beautiful in your wedding dress. But wait, SIXTEEN?!?!?!?!??!

The End.

update

As an update for the blogging world of invisible viewers, Katie did get to go on her sleepover. The night she was sick I gave her the meds, she perked up after and hour, ate some food, fought with Joel and drank more liquid. I also rubbed garlic oil onto the soles of her feet since there is now way in Hades I could get her to swallow the stuff.

Sometimes I think she gets sick when she is worn out. We have been a little busy lately and I think her body just needed a good rest. Which she got that night. Thank you for your expressions of concern. I'm sure she's driving her aunt crazy at the sleepover.

pumpkins and apples and leaves OH MY!

I didn't actually plan or coordinate this event but I did manage a stroller, toddler, baby and diaper bag all by myself for part of the time and that takes some coordination.

A friend invited me to meet her and her family down at the Red Barn (http://rowleysredbarn.com/) this evening. I didn't have anything to do and love hanging out with them so we went. The evening involved a wait in line to the hay ride, the hay ride, a pumpkin patch and treats (for everyone permitted to consume dairy = not me). The night was cool and I forgot to grab my jacket so my kind friend lent me hers. The kids did great on the hay ride. I enjoyed watching the beautiful sunset on our trip out there. We really have some fantastic sunsets. A John Deere green tractor pulled the load of us through the apple orchard and out to this field (not really a "patch" which to me indicates a small size) of pumpkins. It was fun. We walked through the pumpkins. Joel sad on some tractors. They even had a really old truck that he sat in for a while and pretended to drive. It was funny, he wanted me with him but he was sure to grab the drivers seat. I did get a tad nervous when the doors wouldn't open from the inside! Thank goodness the windows were down! Um, and that eventually I realized that and just reached through to let us out...

I grew up in FL. A lovely place. But it certainly does not have a Fall season. Perhaps that is why we never did anything special for Fall. But out here in Utah God paints the mountains for us, every corn field turns into a maze, pumpkins are coming out our ears and haunted houses spring up all over the place! It's a fun time. I only dabbled in it last year and I don't think we did anything special the year before. So it's nice to have friends who know what's what and where to go. It's nice to make these kinds of traditions. It's nice to get out and enjoy the beauty of the earth and take pleasure in life. It's nice.

don't be sick!

We have a busy day planned tomorrow. To top it off, Katherine might finally get to have the sleepover with her cousin she's been coveting since who knows when. And what does she do today? Go and get sick!!! UGH!

So in my true-to-my-nature way, I try to deny it. But her temp of 100.6 doesn't lie. Nor do the facts that she a) took a nap, b) cried when her brother hit her instead of yelling at him first, c) complained of a headache, d) told me she wanted to eat but was not hungry and e) spent the entire evening lying down. Boo.

I monitored the sickling for a while and she didn't get worse. Finally I gave her some medicine to help with the tempature. Based on my limited experience of Katherine being sick, this kind of owie burns up fast and she acts pretty normal when the temp is down. My hope was she'd eat if she felt better. Sure enough, that is basically what happened. Hopefully she'll be recovered in the morning. But even it takes longer I'll be grateful, so long as she does get better.

Peeing on Dora

[deep sigh]
There is a talk given by an LDS general authority that I need to get my hands on before I really type this, but since I couldn't find it in my brief search, I will just begin.

There is a difference between bad/wrong behavior and undesirable behavior. Allow me to give you an example. Running a red light is wrong only because it breaks a law. Hitting a person with your car is wrong because it damages that individual. Yes, I get the arguments of how running a red light endangers others, yada yada. My point is, if I'm at a red light in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night... I might run it. If I'm driving down the street with no one else as a witness, I'm still not going to hit a pedestrian (TEN POINTS!) because it is WRONG.

So, what did I learn yesterday during my work day at home? I learned that I can do a much better job of distinguishing when to react as if something is wrong versus when it is just undesirable.

Here's an example from yesterday: It's dinner time (always a contender for the most stressful point in my day), my blood sugar is dropping (always dangerous), Clare needed something (she is only 5 months after all) and Joel (who is potty training himself) pees on the big potty but his aim is off so he leaks onto the Dora training seat. So I run in there, take Dora apart, wash it off and let it dry in the tub. Only he has to poop before it is dry. So back in there we go (thank goodness for a small home), put Dora back together, dry her off and he sits. And sits. Nothing. Okay, back to dinner. But now Katie has to go. Does she remove Dora? No. What do I hear as I try to sit and eat for like the 5th time that night? "I might have peed on the potty seat."

[freeze frame right here]

Peeing on Dora is an inconvenience for mommy. Peeing on Dora is not running a person over with your car. It is not inherently wrong.

[insert 4-year-old's perspective]

I remember when I needed the Dora seat! Joel uses it now. I want to use it too. Hmmmm, this feels different. That might be wet. Maybe it is wet. Did I pee on it? I will tell mommy.

[commentary]

Sounds completely innocent, right? BECAUSE IT IS! She just had to pee! Nothing wrong with that. So she used the potty seat. Nothing wrong with that either, right? Maybe she even misjudged the angle and tinkled a little on the seat - though now that I think about it, it was probably just still a little wet from when it got washed. Still, nothing wrong with that.

[enters stressed out mom whose pre-conscious commentary runs something like this:]

Why the crap couldn't she just move the potty seat! She doesn't need it! She's just trying to be like Joel.

So sad.

At least I didn't say those actually things out loud but my irritation was clear and the message was sent. Not only did I communicate that she did something bad, which, she did not. Perhaps even that she is bad [cringe] , which she certainly is not. She will likely be less inclined to confide in me later.

[damage control]

Notice that child behaves differently. Try to be as objective as possible through the thick layer of guilt. Ask child how she feels. Help her identify emotions. Explain your own/take responsibility and apologize. Move on to something more fun and upbeat.

The Homemaker's School. Always something more to learn.

stitches

Well, it finally happened and of course it was my boy. Joel got stitches. Only three and that's good because I don't care what the doctor tried to lie about, poor boy felt that second one.

All last week I wanted to add "doctor" or "nurse" as a post label since all homemakers inevitable take on such roles. I wouldn't let myself since I had nothing interesting to post. I kept thinking, "Life provides." And it sure did.

We're rushing out the door to take Katie to preschool. She reenters to get a coat (she doesn't need) and smacks my little man in the face with the door. And split goes his lip. It's on the upper right side and looked deeeeeep. This being my first big lip split I call the doctor's office to see if he needs to come in. I should say that I hate doing that because my theory is they will tell you to come in no matter what just to charge the insurance company. But anyhow.... due to his age they want me to come in to make sure it will heal correctly. [big huff] "Fine." We drop off Katie. The bleeding has stopped. We head to the doctor. Diaper bag on one shoulder, Clare in her car seat in one hand and Joel in the other arm. All I could think was, "If anyone needs a close parking spot, it's me."

After speaking with the doc I'm convinced that we did need to come in or his lip would have healed and looked all funky. "But boys like scars, don't they?" "He won't like it." Fine. What does Joel need? Stitches. My poor, brave, tough, scared little man. He tried so hard and did so well but he was so scared. He shook and said, "Done! Done!" Many times. I watched the numbing stuff spill out is cut and finally got to see how docs sew people up. Afterword, Joel picked a puppy out of the "ouch basket" but all I wanted to do was hold him. All he wanted was a sticker on the way out. At least he recovers quickly.

to the pigs!

Last night the kids and I visited a farm all decked out and ready for patrons to spend money on "Fall" activities: giant slide, hay climbing, cotton candy, corn maze, trick-or-treat hay ride... you get the picture. Well, as soon as we got inside the farm the piglet races started so we headed on over. Just as we arrived at the pin the announcer calls for 4-year-olds to come in the pin and participate in a piglet chase. "Oh! I have a 4-year-old." I forgot that she is a shy, sometimes timid 4-year-old who doesn't enjoy being out of her comfort zone. So what does this mommy do? I shove her inside and then what do I hear? My child crying. Poor thing. I felt so bad. She quickly recovered while petting a pony and we talked about it later when I apologized again. Don't shove your child into a pig pin when she has no idea what is going on. Lesson learned - we hope. I'll let you know how next year turns out. :-)

first impressions

If you're going to manipulate me, it won't be with tantrums. 

My sweet 26-month-old boy is not one for tantrums. But he is 2. Katherine, Clare, Joel and myself went for a walk this afternoon to distribute Katherine's birthday party invitations. It's not a far walk and I brought snacks and water since it was close to lunch and everyone knows what kind of atomic meltdown can happen when kids get hungry. But I guess Joel had enough. That boy yelled and cried more than 50% of the way because I would not pick him up.

I've pushed a stroller and held a toddler at the same time before but it's not easy. And I knew he could make it. Yes, he's been up later than normal the past two nights so he was tired, but we'd only been out 15 minutes max! So I refused. Oh, I second-guessed myself many times, believe me, but I decided to stick to my guns and the more I think about it, the more I'm glad I did.

Sure, I was embarrassed dragging a 32-pound child by one arm down the sidewalk. Sure, I hated grabbing him by the ear to offer some encouragement to cooperate. Sure, I nearly lost it at at least one point. But I stuck to it. When we got home he went right to time out (as promised) and afterward we cuddled on the couch.

I think this was Joel's first major tantrum of this nature and I felt like what I did would set an important precedent as to what he could expect in the future. I remember a turning point in tantrums with Katherine. She was in the toy room and for whatever reason wanted me to open the door for her to get out. I believe I was busy and instructed her to open it for herself. What ensued was a 30-minute (I timed it) yelling, screaming, tantrum throwing, kicking fit. Sure, I second-guessed myself many times. But I made an educated, calculated decision and stuck to my guns. After about 32 minutes she stopped, opened the door herself, and came out talking to me as if nothing had occurred. I don't even think I addressed it with her to any extent because I knew she knew. She tried it again a few weeks later. That one lasted 3 minutes and it's never happened again.

It was hard to accomplish this today. I mean, Joel is still my baby is so many ways. But I did it. And I feel good about it.

don't get your panties in a bunch...

...this post is not listed under "Kama Sutra". But in thinking over the roles of a homemaker, I think "geisha" is legit. Hear me out.

I've come far in my 6 years of marriage. I went from a left-wingish view on femininity to what I see as a healthier, more realistic view. The toughest pill I had to swallow was basically summed up in Dr. Larua's: The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands. I even made it through the entire book - but only with some forced humility. In college, I could have written a 20 page paper to counteract all her arguments. But after being married, wanting said marriage to be a happy one and realizing I was not perfect OR the only one with genuine needs in the relationship, I succumbed.

So did I really want to watch two episodes of The Big Bang Theory or 4 of The Office tonight all in a row? Well, okay, part of me sure did. :-) But this means the dishes won't get done. And boy do they need some doneing. What it boiled down to for me was that I know this ritual we have of watching episodes on Sunday night means something more to my husband. That need deserves to be respected and validated. It took me a while to decode this information about my guy, more time to accept it and even more to act upon it, but he's a patient man.

toothpicks!

One of Katherine's little friends is learning about shapes in kindergarten. I have, sadly, been neglecting them. Not the basics. In fact, one of Katherine's first words was "gurcle" (aka "circle). She knows a star, oval, square, etc. but none of the fancier ones. So I did some brainstorming and broke out some toothpicks, plopped her near the counter (I was doing something in the kitchen at the time) and told her to make some shapes.

Before learning about octagons I had her "play". She began with some triangles and moved on to squares. But then I dropped one of my two planned big questions on her: what shape could you never make with toothpicks. Of course I received the standard, "I don't know." But then she thought for a minute. "Circle!" "That's right. Why?" "Because it is not bendy." Bendy - so cute. So we talked about how toothpicks are straight, but there are no straight lines in a circle. Go Katie! She played with them some more and then I dropped bomb number two.

After making a square, I asked her to make a rectangle. Now maybe no one else will be as surprised as I was that she looked at it for a moment, moved one side over and added two more picks to the top and bottom. But I really was surprised! I thought for certain that she would get stumped like so many of us do by, well, thinking inside the box. But she did it. Clever little girl.

teaching at home with play

Katie's little friend made the kindergarten cut off for this year (actually, allllll of her friends did) but she had to wait until NEXT year although my oldest would  greatly benefit from going to kindergarten this year and is ready for it. Anyhow, just in case we decide to have her skip a grade she is learning at home what her friends are covering in class, and then some. How? You may ask. Well, my friends tell me what their kids are doing and we do that here. Plus the state curriculum is on the web and I follow that. But a lot of the items to be covered my kid already has down pat because she PLAYS. If children don't play you will be shocked at what they will not learn. And if you let them play, you will be pleased to discover what they develop on their own.

As an example, one of the language arts objectives involves presenting information. I sure didn't have to plan a unit on that. Oh no, all I had to do was sit and smile as my 4-year-old prepared a "show" for me to enjoy. She can tell you a story too if you take the time to listen.

But play teaches more important things as well. She learns about interacting with peers (so hopefully she won't be any more socially backwards than her parents are) and taking turns and sharing and when to assert herself and when to go along with the crowd. All these invaluable life lessons that don't come with paper and crayons. Play. It's good stuff.

holes in my wall

There are a few extra holes in my walls this evening, most were intentional.

I have several tiny projects that were never completed from our major home renovation (the place was trashed when we bought it in 2008) and a few that have crept up on me over the past few years. Today I hung a key holder near the door and a coat hanger low enough that my two oldest can hang up their own dang coats this winter! Ugh! That was a chore last year!!! But I digress.

Since my 2-year-old has developed some balls, breaking out the drill while he is awake is much less traumatic. After all, it is difficult to drill a level hole whilst holding a crying toddler.Thankfully, all he really requires now is for me to reassure him when I am done. Oh, but I wanted to talk about holes in my wall.

So, I got the drill out and began to hang the coat hanger inside the front closet. Since our home is old and funky like that, the wall I drilled into was made of this concrete-like material and just disintegrated, spreading dust on the floor. More followed when my stubborn self pushed harder and the drill jumped to make a second hole on that wall. I'd like to say that at that point I moved on, but the reality is, I tried again. Fast forward and the coat hanger is up (safely attached to wood), the key hanger (placed in a masonry wall) is mostly level and I have re-vowed to NEVER purchase a brick home again.

your choice, but you live with the consequences

My 4, nearly 5-year-old, is selling homemade bread to raise money to purchase a bike (anyone want some?). After we (I) made 8 loaves (2 of which I couldn't bring myself to ask people to buy) of cinnamon roll bread the entourage headed out to solicit. To offer context, 48 hours ago it was sunny. Today it snowed. So it was cold and wet and overcast as we strolled about a beautiful neighborhood with homes larger than I ever want to clean. Half way through Katie (the bike wisher) starts to throw a fit because she wants to sit on the stroller our friend let us use for the BABY. Finally I just had to lay down the law. "Do you want to sell bread?" "Yes." "Then you need to stop this. If you don't, we will go home and you will not sell bread." We would have gone home, but she stopped, kind individuals are enjoying yummy bread and Katie is that much closer to owning a big-girl bike.

It's situations like these that make me feel good. Not because my child was throwing a royal fit but because I must have followed through enough times in the past for her to know I was serious.

computer instruction

You may have noticed there are some fabulous educational websites out about these days for younger, older and ooooolder children alike. I say use them! Sure, it would be a poor idea to plop your 3-year-old in front of the computer and check on them after Guiding Light is over, but as a wisely used tool, computers are great. And necessary.

When I was on school we had computer lab once a week and we played some games that reinforced what we'd learned in class. Personally, I didn't find them too challenging but I LOVED the Oregon Trail game that came was a reward option after I'd answered enough questions correctly. I could never tell if an axle would break or we'd run out of food first so I never knew what to buy at the trading post! Not that it mattered, before I could make it to Oregon our computer time would be over and off to the traditional classroom we'd march.

But it isn't like that today, is it? Our children will grow up with computers and will be working on them their whole lives. That is the direction we are headed, it isn't evil, so why not embrace it?

Hey, if starfall.com can illustrate for my child how the letter "Y" can be used in so many ways, go for it! It helps the glazed look leave her face when we discuss it (again) after she watches their video. I say, more power to 'em and thank you.

"give us this day..."

I haven’t always had poor results with homemade bread. It all started when I moved to a city with an elevation over 4000 feet. Initially, the difference only seemed to show up when using beans but after my cousin informed me that she can make a loaf of bread for less than $.50, I jumped back on the homemade bread band wagon I’d fallen off of after our move.

What has turned out to be an adventure began with a basic recipe I used all the time, with great results, at sea level. But up here in the nose bleed section, disappointment met me out of the oven. My family ate it (with just slight gripping from my 14, uh, 4-year-old) but I was not to be outdone by flour, yeast, salt, water and honey. So to the internet I went.

Did you know that at higher elevations yeast has less resistance to work with (think, atmospheric pressure) so it climbs and builds and grows higher faster. Should be great for bread, right? Wrong. After all that not-so-hard-work has climaxed, the structure cannot contain itself and simply crashes (think Rome expanding too fast). So what looks like it will turn out to be beautiful bread, sadly sags. And rapidly expanding yeast? This is just one of the problems! More salt, less sweet, slow rises, and on and on.

So I turned to my cousin, “How do you make whole-wheat bread out here?!” And the truth is revealed: “Oh, I use half whole wheat and half regular flour.” Well there you go. But I want 100% whole wheat bread for my family! And I know it is possible. In grocery stores I eye with envy the loaves of plump, perfectly sliced bread that boasts to be made a few cities over and only contain five ingredients. I fantasize about gaining employment there just to learn the secrets. But I digress.

Back at home I cave and begin making 50/50 loaves, rationalizing that I have to start somewhere and build from there. And I do. I experiment. Each loaf is a little different. New recipes are tried, judged, consumed and notated. Research continues and improvements are made. I’m not “there” yet, but I am closer! Just tonight I made 100% whole wheat loaves with freshly ground Prairie Gold wheat. There was some collapse during the baking process but a lovely muffin top none-the-less! Can you tell I’m excited? My family doesn’t seem to care (even my 4-year-old nixed the complaining) as long as they are fed but this has be come a challenge, a personal crusade. I will make healthy bread. And it will be beautiful.

Daily Goals

A few months ago I made the goal to accomplish two housekeeping goals each day, every day: dishes and sweep.

I've always had a hate relationship with dishes and for the first few years of marriage I did them maybe twice a week since they really didn't need to be done more than that. I even coaxed my husband into a deal where he did dishes while he was not in school. But life changes. Three children and nine times the dishes (how does that happen?) came along. I fought with it. Heck, in the spirit of self-disclosure I'll share that I even put dirty dishes on my floor at times since I'd run out of counter space. But last year I surrendered: we are large enough now that they must be done daily, my husband is completely swamped so the task will fall to me. So I've made progress. Promise. I don't hate them anymore, I just have to find the time to do them....

The floor just gets out of control if it doesn't get done. I might skip a night thinking it's not so bad and by 10am the next day I'm stepping on crumbs everywhere.

I shared these goals with a friend. Her response, "Do you know who much of a difference that would make in my house?!" And I'm like, "EXACTLY!" Those two things really do. So tonight I forced myself and the sweeping is complete. In fact, I am admiring the floors as I type. The dishes? Well, the stack isn't that big, maybe they can wait until tomorrow....