this is not for you, it is for someone who can't help herself

This morning I said a special prayer for the forgotten children of the world with my own children at my side. I know God has not forgotten them, but the world has. I haven’t, BUT [enter all the reasons we use for not doing something]. Immediately following that prayer I had a thought, an inspiration, an idea.

WHO:

Here is who I thought it could benefit. There is an adorable little girl named Livvy Mae. She has Down syndrome and will likely live a life of nothingness if not adopted. There is a family looking to make her their own but short on funds. [Of course they are short on funds!! These adoptions cost anywhere from $25,000-$55,000. Insane, right? It is. But until that changes, this is how it goes.] So the Herrington Family needs you and Livvy Mae needs you and these 4 girls running http://4girls4christ.blogspot.com/ need you.

These are four teenagers who are trying to raise money for someone they don’t know. I’ve been keeping an eye on their blog and I’m a little annoyed that their progress has been so slow. I mean, for $10 you can get entered into a drawing for one of the prizes they bothered to solicit, you can help save a life and bless a family AND support TEENAGERS who are actually DOING something outside of their own little sphere. I mean, come on, when was the last time you went through that much trouble for a stranger?

 They have a goal of $2000 by the end of March (it used to be the end of February, btw). They are at $320. A blessing yes, but come on people. When was the last time you blew $10 on a new shirt or a few lattes. I’m not saying you shouldn’t buy the new shirt or the fancy coffee, but as you’re passing by, could you drop $10 into the Livvy Mae bucket as well? Or bake something?

WHAT:

Let us have a bake sale. No, not just me. I said “us”. So, um, that means you.

HOW:

Here is how I thought it might work.

1)      Create a sign up sheet asking for people interested in purchasing a baked good from you. Include what you are tempting them with, the amount of slots you are willing to fill (like, I can bake 4 loaves of bread at a time, so I would probably do 4 slots) and the date you plan to deliver on your end of the bargain.

2)      Collect $5. Yes, $5 is a lot for a dozen cookies when they are $3 at the store, but, um, that’s okay, it is for charity.

3)      Then go ahead and bake away!

4)      Deliver yummy stuff.

5)      Donate the money to http://4girls4christ.blogspot.com/p/livy-mae-giveaway-donateprizes.html

THE OTHER HOW:

I know. I know. Believe me I KNOW!!! You work full-time, you’re a single parent, you have a new-born, you don’t get any time to yourself as it is, you go to school, you’re pregnant, you don’t bake, etc.

How about taking a sign up sheet into work and getting a few commitments? Have your kids help you make the bread/goods (mine do). Strap your sleeping baby to you while you add, stir and bake, bring a sheet to school with you to ask for commitments to this cause and yummy stuff. If you’re so pregnant that your belly gets in the way, stand on a stool while you knead dough or stir something up. If you don’t bake then there are these amazing things called no-bake cookies. Give them a shot.

Stuck on what to make? I have an muffin recipe I’m happy to share. I have a few really good cookie recipes I’ll type up. I make a yummy cinnamon bread if anyone’s interested in doing bread.

WHEN:

Well, when you can before the end of March, but let’s shoot for next week. Or the week after. Set a date for yourself and do it.

So, I can’t do this all on my own. Aaron and I have already donated to Livvy Mae through these girls. I need your help and you need to get in the kitchen and do something. I really am asking this of you and I really am expecting it. Sorry, but I am because it is so important. If you don’t step up to the plate this time, I’ll be hounding you next time, I promise. I promise I'll hound you and I promise there will be a next time.

*If you’re in need of some motivation and you’re interested in learning about the kind of life Livvy has to look forward to where she is, contact me.

** Their donate button does not show up on mobile devices (smartphone, iPad) for whatever reason.

*** I’d love to hear how your baking goes. Remember, it’s not for you. It’s for someone who can’t help herself.

what makes a mother?

"So, random thought, I know, but I was just thinking how I knew you before you were a mother, but in my mind you've always been one. Maybe it's just because you're such a natural at it. I hope when people see me they see me as a mother, not just a person with a kid. That is all. :)" 

My sister-in-law posted this on my FB wall. One of the sweetest things anyone has ever written on my "wall", or said out-loud for that matter. While partially awake this morning it got me thinking. Are some parents just people with a kid? Have I ever thought of someone as just a person with a kid? What makes a mother a mother or a father a father? What is that vital piece of the puzzle?

So I thought of one of the worst examples of parenting I could come up with. It happened while I was out with one of my clients in the community. This would have been 2006 or 2007 in North Carolina. As I remember it, a mom was talking to a friend and tried to get a young girl's attention. The girl didn't seem to hear her as she was several houses away. The mother went into some kind of rage but she didn't stop. She just kept verbally beating this little girl down, in public, for all of us to watch. I just kept thinking, "You're the kind of mom whose kid beats up mine in school." It stayed with me. But I've still always thought of that woman as a mother.

But now I'm an over-tired, over-worked, stressed-out, running-mad parent myself. Okay, not everything am I all these things but there are times for certain. I have verbally beat a child down now and again. I've even hit them a few times against my better judgment. Generally, whatever happens in public is thought to escalate at home and, sadly, I've certainly been my worst in the walls of my own home. But I still feel like a mother.

Feeling... heart... perhaps that is where the distinction lies.

When we love our children and the sum total of our actions based on love out weigh the ones stemming from stress or frustration. Maybe then? When we love our children and our intentions are pure even when the resulting actions are not so grand. Maybe then? I don’t know.

One thing's for sure, I'm not qualified to make that judgment. Most people just do their best. And these babies need our best. They need our devotion and care and love. They need a solid foundation from which to build. And each parent's best is different. And each parent's abilities vary. That is okay. With all our imperfections, we still get to be mothers and fathers.

acceptance - a baby with down syndrome

Upon the birth of our third child, an incredible and purple baby girl, we learned she has Trisomy 21 (aka Down Syndrome). After nearly 3 months of being blessed to be her mother, the follow thoughts occurred to me and I wrote this:

my babe at nearly 8 months

My very first thought about Clare's diagnosis was something along the lines of "I don't want to deal with this!" It took me a full 24 hours to call her "pretty" (which crushes me now because she just is so beautiful) because I didn't want to say it until I meant it. And the child grew on me. :-) It's odd, as a mom, to love a baby but to have to learn to look past a difference. A friend said that you grieve for the child you thought you would have (whether that be boy/girl, or special needs/typically developing). And it's true. I needed to do that, but at the same time I fell in love with this perfect little being.

Tonight I realized I could say with 100% certainty that if given the chance I would not remove that extra chromosome. Not because it would change who Clare is; I believe I would have fall in love with this child regardless of her number of chromosomes. No, I wouldn't change the DS if I could just because I don't see it as bad. I just see it as is. Like hair color. Now, I am sure this has something to do with the fact that so far - thank you, Lord - we have not dealt with the medical problems too often associated with the genetic abnormality, and I always reserve the right to change my mind. But right now, I would not change a thing. I wouldn't make Katie shorter or Joel more handsome or Clare with fewer chromosomes because those things just are and they are okay. I'm sure most people don't understand. And hey, up until today I wouldn't have even believed to hear someone say it. But I mean it.

Perhaps part of it is because of acceptance. Acceptance of differences, of life circumstances beyond my control, of others, of myself just as we are has never been a strong point. But I have strived for improvement for more than a decade now and maybe this is just another step on that path. To see this little girl and accept her, all of her. Not in the "sure you can join our group because we're gonna be nice to you despite the fact that we don't like something about you so we'll try to ignore it" sense of acceptance. But REAL acceptance. The kind where you don't even see the difference. "What? There is a difference? Just thought it was another way of being human, didn't even think of it as "different"" kind of acceptance.

Cliche or not, having her in my life has already taught me a great deal. Scratch that. More significantly, I've had to grow a great deal. I don't even think I've noticed all that much because generally growth in my life has been painful. This doesn't hurt at all. It's amazing and wonderful and I'm loving it. She's wonderful and I love her.

best time of your life?

Met a friend of mine, Faith, at the mall a few days ago to get out of the house, let the kids play together and get some nice adult conversation squeezed in there. I have 3 children, she has 3 and is expecting numero 4 soon. I shared with her a quote I read in the Reader's Digest, "Want to know what it's like to have 4 children? Pretend you are drowning and have someone throw you a 4th child." Hahaha. Oh come on, it's funny!

Well, she only shared a light chuckle. Turns out Faith's mother told her that this is the best time of her life. I said, "Well, every time is the best time of your life. There are things happening right now in this stage of life you will never be able to have again. Every stage has something like that. They are each the best time of your life." Faith pointed out what she'll miss when her children are older and how at some point, it will be the final time you are ever pregnant. Those are significant milestones for mommies!

So I stated my feel-good (though I do believe it) thought, finished my Japanese (yummy) mall food and moved on to stashing my monkeys in the van. And then I started thinking: WAIT. WHAT IF THIS REALLY IS THE BEST TIME IN MY LIFE? And I thought about all I have now that I won't have later; all the positive ones:
time with just me and the kids on a daily basis
an immeasurable amount of influence over their little selves
almost exclusive control over what those kids are exposed to and influenced by
chances to snuggles sleepy babies
light kisses on warm foreheads unmarred by acne, oil or a scrunch as the mom leans in for a kiss
the chance to carry them down the stairs when they are tired
the chance to cuddle them on my lap when they are sick
being stronger and faster
watching a face light up when they learn something new
being able to get a smile just by pretending to be scared when they "sneak" up on me
saying, "You're going to eat those," being enough to see the carrots vanish
watching their little bums jiggle as they run away laughing when they should be in the bath

Really. What if THIS is THE BEST time in all of my life??? I have plans for the future (a few actually), believe me. I want to learn French and with a newly attained nursing degree do charity work in Haiti. I want to get a nursing degree, combine it with my counseling degree and make buckets of money in the US prescribing psychiatric meds. I want to travel Europe with my automatic vacation partner (he knows who he is). I want to be a nurse midwife. I want to really learn how to sing and participate in the church choir. I want to have time to make my church lessons all cute with visual aids. I want to cuddle my grandkids and worry over how their parents are bringing them up. I want to nag my husband about renovating the house and adding a back deck. I want to wake up to the sun rising in my backyard and see nothing else besides it and the field.

I have all these wonderful plans. All these amazing and beautiful and exciting things I've wanted to do forever and new ones that develop as life goes along. ALL of these things I consciously chose to put on hold when I became a mother. I chose to dedicate my time, talents and energies to raising the most well-adjusted, kind, contributing members of society I could muster. (Perhaps the most telling sign is that a decided to not let getting up at all hours of the night bother me. And then I worked until that decision came to pass.) I knew my life was essentially having the "pause" button pushed. But what if I was wrong? What if this really is it? What if this is the best time of my life? That no matter what castle I finally get to visit or child I am blessed to vaccinate or car I'm able to afford  or hours of sleeping in ever compares to what I do now on a daily basis? If that's legit then I can't let this pass by!!!

I need to soak it up and enjoy each second! If you knew you were eating THE BEST steak ever produced and this would be the only time you would ever spend the money to eat it, would you not savor each and every bite??!!!?!?!?! You'd gently cut it into small pieces (I don't advocate doing that to children), skewer each one on your fork (again, not advocating) individually, place it on your tongue and close your eyes as you chewed (yet again...). Well, that's what I'd do anyway. (Can you tell I wish I'd ordered steak tonight instead of chicken?) I read an article once on how adults with children are more stressed than those without. BUT in the long run, they are happier.

See, all these other plans I have sound wonderful, but I just don't see how when it comes down it, they will ever compare with those giggles and smiles and scribbled paper. Maybe it's because they are all asleep right now.... but really, I just don't get how it could compare. There is a tremendous truth to each time period being the best in your life, but I think I'm living my peak. Glad I realized it before it is too late to appreciate.