The Introverted Mommy

I have been a mother (in the biological since-I actually believe all women are mothers) for nearly 8 years now. My amazing oldest reaches her 8th birthday in November. But it wasn't until THIS WEEK that I finally pieced together a puzzle that reveals why being a mom has some of its challenges for me.

Let's say for arguments sake that you can lump all of humanity into one of two categories: introvert or extrovert. If that were possible, I would join the introverted group (shut up in my own room away from everyone else, reading a good book). I have heard many descriptions over the years of what makes one an introvert or extrovert and what qualities can be ascribed exclusively to each label, but one explanation left all others behind for me. Ready?

An extrovert is someone who is energized by being around people. An introvert is someone recharges away from others. 

This. This hits home for me. In large groups of people for extended periods of time I have to actually remove myself from the buzz and regroup alone. I have been known to use the bathroom just to have some breathing time. I have wandered the halls at youth social functions just to "get out of there!". I have left family functions to take a breather outside. Anyhow, people suck me dry. Or, perhaps, being around people sucks me dry. In general, I have good emotional boundaries but can't seem to keep my energy for moi! 

Anyhow, so then there is this tiny adorable human being who needs me. Like, needs me all the time. Never thought a person could be touched to death until after I got married and had kids. Space people! Personal space! I like my bubble! 

And not only does she need me for basic things like sustenance and cleaning, but I have to socially stimulate her as well. (Let me pause here. I say "have to" but smiling at my babies and snuggling them does come to me natural and I do enjoy it, but it need me some breaks.) And as she ages, this stimulation becomes more demanding and even more [gulp!] engaging!! I must BE present and BE a mom and BE nurturing and BE available. And it is EXHAUSTING! Sucks the life force right out of me. True story. I use phrases like that all the time.

And then! AND THEN she not only needs ME but others as well! And now I have to associate with other people! Gives me anxiety just thinking about it. And the crazy thing is, I love my friends, I depend on them, they are a true blessing to me. But I still find social gatherings tiring and after I get home I just want to take a nap or be alone for a minute. But it's 5 hours until 8pm (bedtime) so my switch must stay in the "on" position.

No wonder I cherish my nights and no matter how tired I am I like to stay up and just be. Just be me. Just read. Just regroup. Just recharge. 

And there it is. I am a mom but I was an introvert first. I live with all these cute energy leeches who suck the pizzazz from my being. And I need my space and my recharge time. Otherwise, watch out world; this drained mommy is not a cheerful one.

day 1 of tv after nap times

Today was the first day I banned all television watching until after nap time, which means 3pm at the earliest. A few predicted (p) things happened and a few unexpected (u).

In the morning the kids kept asking me to watch television (p). Joel screamed (his new thing since he witnessed Katherine's episode of steroid psychosis earlier this week, fun times) about not getting to watch "Boo's Due's" AKA Blues Clues (p). I almost gave in a few times (p). I kept looking at the clock counting down minutes to nap time (u - HEY! I didn't say unexpected couldn't have been predicted). Katie asked me several times if she could wake up Joel (p). The evening was more chaotic (u) - hoping this is a result of it being an unusual day for us, not tv time moving. Less tv was watched (u). More fighting in the morning (p). Free pedicure for mommy (u)!

I enlarged it so you can more fully appreciate the artwork. :-) Joel did his, Katie did hers and Joel did mine. It was fun to remind Katie that she used to paint my toenails too. "When I was two?" "Yes, when you were two."

My husband is a nerd. He claims I only say this because I haven’t seen the people he attends school with in the digital media department. I say, there are gradients of nerd and his friends’ greater nerdiness does not make him a non-nerd. Hopefully this gives you context to understand why when he took the two older ones to school this week, they came home with 3 animated movies: Pinocchio, The Hobbit (or "Habit" if you're Katherine) and Lord of the Rings. So they are all trying to finish The Hobbit and watch Lord of the Rings when I make a run to the store for more pot stickers since Joel is willing to eat them and Aaron wanted Chinese food. At the store I run into a friend who reminds me that the Trunk-or-Treat (like a safe trick-or-treat in a parking lot) is happening in fifteen minutes. Being sick all week (in fact, I'm still sick but these antibiotics are whispering sweet lies in my ears), I had completely forgotten about it. I go back and forth but ultimately decide to take the kids for a little while.

I shut the door to my van so you couldn't see the mess. :-)

Getting home with five minutes to spare, this is what we end up with. A pink unicorn (I didn’t even bother to suggest a different outfit to go under the costume) and a male cheerleader. Okay, honestly, Joel doesn’t care. Last year I made him go as a “Handsome Vampire” (sparkly skin and all!) because he’s handsome and I figured this year he’d have an opinion. But really, he doesn’t care yet. We were discussing ideas out loud and I mentioned pom-poms and he was all thrilled about that. A few weeks ago, he wanted to be a lion. Whatever. We wrote the local high school’s letters on his cheeks, grabbed a backpack (since he's in high school, duh, like totally) and off we went! And I don’t think we coughed on anyone. 

After 35 minutes it was home to finish what ended up being dinner (thank you, honey) and the rest of the movie. So it was a little chaotic because the evening was less organized and probably because I don't love the noise of tv. So while my kids were less obnoxious, my quieter time of the day was less quiet. 

Still, most days I think the later tv viewing will help distract during the chuck of time usually devoted to dinner prep, some clean up and nursing. Since they needed baths tonight that cut further into tv time and they watched less than the allotted 1.5hrs. That was a plus.

loathing proactively

Loathing, not as in the song from Wicked but as in the days following June 21st, when the day light gets smaller and smaller and smaller until BAM! It looks like midnight at 5:30pm! I'm from FL and perhaps this is just a things-are-better-in-memory symptom but I do NOT recall growing up being bored out of my mind at 5:30 because it is dark and you're stuck inside. But now I live in UT and adjustments must be made.

Yesterday was one of those loathed winter days. It was overcast, we were (are) all sick and the kids were just getting to each other and me. So I decided to be proactive. We melted some chocolate, dipped in pretzel rods and then rolled the rods in mini reeses pieces. Not as visually spectacular as I'd envisioned but they still tasted good. After the chocolate hardened a tiny bit we loaded in the van and headed out to "ghost" two of our neighbors. [Ghosting is a "thing" where you anonymously drop off a treat at two homes. Attached to the treat is a paper explaining that they have been "ghosted" and now they are to make two copies, tape the paper in their window or door - so as to not be re-ghosted - and ghost two other homes. It's fun. We got caught both times so obviously our ninja skills are lacking.]

Then it was done. [Twiddle thumbs...] "Hey! You guys want to take the car to get a bath?" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" So we drove through the car wash. The last time we did this, Joel found it terrifying. This time, he found it fascinating. Drive-thru van washes may become a weekly event here!

reading "boos cues" as Joel calls it :-) Well, Clare might be trying to eat it.

Then it was done and we came back home and we were in the exact same situation we were prior to the chocolate mess on my counter. How did that not suck up more time? [Twiddle thumbs... nothin.] [Check clock... 1.5hrs to go. Holy crap.] As it turns out, at some point before bed all three kids ended up on my lap (a feat made possible by illness and a recliner) and I spent 30 minutes singing songs I could remember from my childhood. I don't know, I think the last time Joel sat still for 30 minutes was when Br. Marvin allowed Joel to sit on his lap during Sacrament meeting. It ended up being real nice. Too bad I can't sing for 30 minutes every day.

I have a new plan of action. Starting tomorrow, the television is not allowed on until AFTER Joel gets up from his nap. The kids seem to have an easier time entertaining themselves without fighting in the morning, so why waste tv time during this golden hour? We'll see how it goes.

katie turns five (the party part)

Katherine's b-day is November 8 but in UT I try to celebrate it early (like September if I can swing it) for two reasons 1) we have a small home and trying to fit more than 8 kids in it is crazy, 2) spreads the gift giving out a little more. This year the party landed on today, October 22.

Hahaha. Last night Aaron asked Joel if he was going to have fun at the party. Joel responded, "Yeah. Dake." (As in "Cake".) Hahahaha. 

farm party mud cake = pudding with a gummy worm covered in cookie crumbles

 
Katherine wanted a farm party (like when she turned 3). I did what I could to talk her out if it over the period of weeks but when I informed her that we don't really know anyone with baby animals right now and her response was, "Then we can have mommy and daddy animals!" I gave in. Farm parties take work because I have to scrounge up animals! So I got a promises of a goat from one friend and bunnies and kittens from another. Great. Okay.

Then yesterday hits. I woke up several times feeling sick and when the morning rolled around, I was still ill. It took half the day for me to vomit up whatever my body thought needed to be expelled and the next half was spent in aches and pains. THANK GOODNESS Aaron was home and willing to help with the kids. I needed to heal. But the only party prep I did was to cut out pig noses. Thankfully, I'd already purchased everything needed and gotten game ideas from my sister and had a rough idea of how things needed to run because I was party-useless on Friday.

place your hands behind your back and try to bite the apple. hahaha

So this Saturday morning rolls around and we get the rest of the stuff set up. The idea is simple: move the kitchen table (actually a patio table that folds - yay!) outside, cover with paper, prep prizes, prep mud desserts, clear off concrete area (I've given up hope it will be clean), prep games, gather animals. Okay, go. My sister-in-law came over just to help and Katherine was all to happy to pitch in.

kiddos ready to catch their coins and get a prize. Or Joel in the background there bypassing the coin catching part.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But the morning turned out to be a tad stressful. First off, things were taking a while to get done. THEN my friend who had promised the bunnies and kitties (and her children who my daughter invited) texted to inform me that they are out of town. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!. But I can go get the bunnies at least from their backyard. Okay, fine. Drive up and am met not by two cute bunnies but a huge mastiff. So I call and get my friend's husband, "Um, there is a dog in your backyard." "Do you have a t-bone?" Sorry, I know we haven't interacted much and I realize this is going to leave you with a poor impression of me but I'm low on a sense of humor this morning. "Her name's Harley. You should be fine if she's not growling at you." Get out of car, approach fence, talk to dog, let myself in, barked at by dog, growled at by dog, let myself out. Then I get to explain to Katherine that there will be no bunnies. She's already taken the blows that her three good friends and two cousins won't be coming but now she looks really disappointed. My girl does what she does best and gathers information to come up with solutions. The dog growled because Harley didn't know you? Oh, well, she knows me, "I can go get the bunnies." "Uh, sorry, honey, I'm not sending you into the back yard with the dog."

puddind-up Joel and Snowflake

 But things worked out. Another friend let us borrow their bunny on the spur of the moment (THANK YOU!), the kittens were done without and the goat arrived a little later. People arrived, mud was eaten, prizes were picked, a pig was nosed, apples were bitten (that was entertaining), farm animals were frozen and gifts were unbagged (I think ours were the only wrapped ones in the bunch). I am grateful to all who made my big girl's party special.

"Hmm. What will I find in here?"

When planning a party for a kid it's important to remember that it is their party and really the only thing that matters is if she enjoyed it. Katie thought it was great so I call that a success.

then and now

As part of my job as activities coordinator I permit 1.5 hrs or less of television/movie viewing each day. It depends on behavior. And I may add another 30 minutes if I need some sanity time at the end of the day. But it's usually a 1.5 hr.

Last night I began to think about The Little Mermaid. Not as in the traditional fairy tale but as in the Disney movie. I grew up with Disney. It and it's movies hold many fond memories for me. But I question if I should pass those onto my children just because I made memories with them or if we should perhaps create different childhood memories. Why? Here is the comparison of my then and now thoughts on Disney's The Little Mermaid:

THEN:
Wow, Ariel is so pretty. I want seashell cups just like those. Maybe I can make some. I can't believe she doesn't get caught looking on the human's ship, but it's not like they could catch her anyway. Sebastian sure doesn't seem like he meant to give her away to her father, King Triton. I think she was kind of mean to him. "Why don't you go tell my father? You're good at that," was a bit of a [insert child's term for "low blow"]. "Betcha on land they understand. Bet they don't reprimand their daughters." HA. HA. Dream again, Ariel, they are just as bad or worse on land! Man, I'd be scared going into that witch's creepy lair. Doesn't she see all those seaweed things are trying to warn her? No! Don't make a deal with the sea witch! Well, how you gonna tell him you love him now? You don't speak! But you do love him and it's true love so that will win in the end. Sebastian and Flounder and such good friends to stick around and put themselves into danger just to protect you. I sure want friends like that. Kiss her! KISS HER! KISS HER! ohhh. He missed it. Too bad. Try again! Uh! Boys are so stupid. Doesn't he see? Oh no the sea witch is gonna marry the prince! Boys are so stupid. I can't believe Ariel's father would do that for her! Oh no! Everyone is going to die if Ursula is in charge of the ocean. Gross, Prince Eric just sliced through that witch. Come on. Now the Prince knows. Can't he love her even though she's a mermaid?! Oh, look, her daddy changed her and now she's getting married! That's so nice!


NOW:
Holy cow, this girl is barely dressed and I brought the book to church! I'm so not comfortable with this. But if I'm not comfortable having it in church then should I have it in my home??? Almost no one has that kind of a figure, especially at 16. And can't she just put some clothes on already?! Also, I've swam in the ocean many times and my hair never looks like that soaked with salt water, why can't they draw something realistic?  What a STUPID thing to do. Oh yes, let's go poke around the dangerous creature's ship. We won't get caught because we never have before! Ugh, dumb teenagers. Sebastian, you are the lousiest employee ever. If I were King Triton, I'd fire you. YOU'RE JOB IS TO WATCH OUT FOR THE TEENAGER! NOT SIDE WITH HER!!! UGH!! Wait, hold up a second. IN LOVE? You aren't in love. Oh no no no. Love is developed upon a foundation of effort, time, friendship and arguments. No, you are not in love. At this point you are not in lust deep enough to cause any more harm than some crying and a cracked heart. Back out now. You do have a choice in "love". Oh that's great, little one. When you can't get what you want you go make a deal with the devil. That's a great idea because those always turn out wonderful. So you're gonna get screwed by the sea witch and you don't even see it. Not only have you placed yourself and your own life in peril, you are jeopardizing all those around you as well. And, by the way, at 16, it IS NOT your life yet. Not until you've invested as many hours of sweat, blood and tears into your own development as those who truly love you already have. Those lousy friends of yours need to high-tail it out of there and go tell your father, like 15 minutes ago. This is no longer a loyalty issue, this is real-life dangerous. Oh look at that, the guy you were willing to sacrifice everything for is marrying another woman. He's under a spell, I give him that, but you see what you've gotten yourself into now? You are selfish and short-sighted. And so is your dad. To sacrifice himself for you is one thing, but he is placing the whole of the seas on the alter for you. Sorry, but at that point, you just have to live with the consequences of the choices you've made. Oh, okay, your daddy finally got that it's better to let you  have some freedom. Okay, I can live with that. You look beautiful in your wedding dress. But wait, SIXTEEN?!?!?!?!??!

The End.

pumpkins and apples and leaves OH MY!

I didn't actually plan or coordinate this event but I did manage a stroller, toddler, baby and diaper bag all by myself for part of the time and that takes some coordination.

A friend invited me to meet her and her family down at the Red Barn (http://rowleysredbarn.com/) this evening. I didn't have anything to do and love hanging out with them so we went. The evening involved a wait in line to the hay ride, the hay ride, a pumpkin patch and treats (for everyone permitted to consume dairy = not me). The night was cool and I forgot to grab my jacket so my kind friend lent me hers. The kids did great on the hay ride. I enjoyed watching the beautiful sunset on our trip out there. We really have some fantastic sunsets. A John Deere green tractor pulled the load of us through the apple orchard and out to this field (not really a "patch" which to me indicates a small size) of pumpkins. It was fun. We walked through the pumpkins. Joel sad on some tractors. They even had a really old truck that he sat in for a while and pretended to drive. It was funny, he wanted me with him but he was sure to grab the drivers seat. I did get a tad nervous when the doors wouldn't open from the inside! Thank goodness the windows were down! Um, and that eventually I realized that and just reached through to let us out...

I grew up in FL. A lovely place. But it certainly does not have a Fall season. Perhaps that is why we never did anything special for Fall. But out here in Utah God paints the mountains for us, every corn field turns into a maze, pumpkins are coming out our ears and haunted houses spring up all over the place! It's a fun time. I only dabbled in it last year and I don't think we did anything special the year before. So it's nice to have friends who know what's what and where to go. It's nice to make these kinds of traditions. It's nice to get out and enjoy the beauty of the earth and take pleasure in life. It's nice.