some people are just mean

Daddy getting ready to nudge an unsuspecting Katie into the water. July 2011

Over the past few days Katie’s (now 5) asked a couple times some variation of, “Why is everyone being mean to me?!”

Yesterday, my initial attempt to address that question was to wade into the idea that her perspective influences how she feels about situations. Well, actually, this is hardly the first time we’ve headed down the perspective alley, but normally the issue is having a difference of opinion, not how she feels. I kind of fumbled over my words and missed the touch down. After she went to bed I realized my play was all wrong.

You see, people have been mean to her over the past few days! Well, at least, my perception of reality matches hers on this point. When your little brother tears your drawing just because you specifically told him not to, well, that’s mean! This wasn’t about changing her perception; it was about choosing how to react. Mommy missed the boat on that one.

I brought it up today but she was soooo not interested (she’s gonna be a fun teenager, let me tell you). I don’t doubt life will provide further opportunities to teach her. Problem is, example/modeling is the best teacher, right? Want to know how I handle it when someone is purposely mean to me? I usually do one of 3 things, 1) smile and reply with a snarky and cutting comment, 2) wonder what is wrong with me (as if I’m the reason every person has a bad day) and want to cry, or 3) fight back… sometimes pretty dirty. I’ll admit, I’ve toned it down in my old age, but I really need to get on the ball. After all, I’ll have a tween in 6 years and a teenager in 8. Guess who will be wearing the largest target for my daughter’s the-world-hates-me drama at that point? ME!!!!!!! Oh, and I guess I could teach her how to live her life so that another person's bad day doesn't ruin her own.