The Introverted Mommy

I have been a mother (in the biological since-I actually believe all women are mothers) for nearly 8 years now. My amazing oldest reaches her 8th birthday in November. But it wasn't until THIS WEEK that I finally pieced together a puzzle that reveals why being a mom has some of its challenges for me.

Let's say for arguments sake that you can lump all of humanity into one of two categories: introvert or extrovert. If that were possible, I would join the introverted group (shut up in my own room away from everyone else, reading a good book). I have heard many descriptions over the years of what makes one an introvert or extrovert and what qualities can be ascribed exclusively to each label, but one explanation left all others behind for me. Ready?

An extrovert is someone who is energized by being around people. An introvert is someone recharges away from others. 

This. This hits home for me. In large groups of people for extended periods of time I have to actually remove myself from the buzz and regroup alone. I have been known to use the bathroom just to have some breathing time. I have wandered the halls at youth social functions just to "get out of there!". I have left family functions to take a breather outside. Anyhow, people suck me dry. Or, perhaps, being around people sucks me dry. In general, I have good emotional boundaries but can't seem to keep my energy for moi! 

Anyhow, so then there is this tiny adorable human being who needs me. Like, needs me all the time. Never thought a person could be touched to death until after I got married and had kids. Space people! Personal space! I like my bubble! 

And not only does she need me for basic things like sustenance and cleaning, but I have to socially stimulate her as well. (Let me pause here. I say "have to" but smiling at my babies and snuggling them does come to me natural and I do enjoy it, but it need me some breaks.) And as she ages, this stimulation becomes more demanding and even more [gulp!] engaging!! I must BE present and BE a mom and BE nurturing and BE available. And it is EXHAUSTING! Sucks the life force right out of me. True story. I use phrases like that all the time.

And then! AND THEN she not only needs ME but others as well! And now I have to associate with other people! Gives me anxiety just thinking about it. And the crazy thing is, I love my friends, I depend on them, they are a true blessing to me. But I still find social gatherings tiring and after I get home I just want to take a nap or be alone for a minute. But it's 5 hours until 8pm (bedtime) so my switch must stay in the "on" position.

No wonder I cherish my nights and no matter how tired I am I like to stay up and just be. Just be me. Just read. Just regroup. Just recharge. 

And there it is. I am a mom but I was an introvert first. I live with all these cute energy leeches who suck the pizzazz from my being. And I need my space and my recharge time. Otherwise, watch out world; this drained mommy is not a cheerful one.