days 9-18 in review

Well, I had a goal of cash-only shopping for the whole month. I didn't quite make it. :-) This set of days I didn't have cash on me - which is the standard around here so I broke out the credit card. BUT I pretended like I only had cash. That means I made my purchases seperate from toiletries and the like and I did not go overboard with shopping for deals.

Results: Came in under budget by about $12! So I'm thinking.... what to do with $12? Then I realize... case lot sales.
Confession time: One month we went through our food budget in [gulp] FIVE days! Because the case lot sales were too fabulous - and I even reeled myself in! So I'm thinking all this "excess" each month will be totaled and then I'll set it aside for when olives are $0.75/can and a 25# bag of sugar is $12. That's when I stock up.

I was even able to buy a few extras this second set of days. Canned corn was a great deal as was soup (a staple for Aaron during the school week).

Anyhow, so far, I think we're doing pretty well.

As a review, making bread does make quite a positive dent in the budget, not going to the store is incredibly helpful, putting on blinders when at the store is also key and making a menu based on the sales has been a fabulous strategy.

Until next time, this is Rebecca, signing off.

what makes a mother?

"So, random thought, I know, but I was just thinking how I knew you before you were a mother, but in my mind you've always been one. Maybe it's just because you're such a natural at it. I hope when people see me they see me as a mother, not just a person with a kid. That is all. :)" 

My sister-in-law posted this on my FB wall. One of the sweetest things anyone has ever written on my "wall", or said out-loud for that matter. While partially awake this morning it got me thinking. Are some parents just people with a kid? Have I ever thought of someone as just a person with a kid? What makes a mother a mother or a father a father? What is that vital piece of the puzzle?

So I thought of one of the worst examples of parenting I could come up with. It happened while I was out with one of my clients in the community. This would have been 2006 or 2007 in North Carolina. As I remember it, a mom was talking to a friend and tried to get a young girl's attention. The girl didn't seem to hear her as she was several houses away. The mother went into some kind of rage but she didn't stop. She just kept verbally beating this little girl down, in public, for all of us to watch. I just kept thinking, "You're the kind of mom whose kid beats up mine in school." It stayed with me. But I've still always thought of that woman as a mother.

But now I'm an over-tired, over-worked, stressed-out, running-mad parent myself. Okay, not everything am I all these things but there are times for certain. I have verbally beat a child down now and again. I've even hit them a few times against my better judgment. Generally, whatever happens in public is thought to escalate at home and, sadly, I've certainly been my worst in the walls of my own home. But I still feel like a mother.

Feeling... heart... perhaps that is where the distinction lies.

When we love our children and the sum total of our actions based on love out weigh the ones stemming from stress or frustration. Maybe then? When we love our children and our intentions are pure even when the resulting actions are not so grand. Maybe then? I don’t know.

One thing's for sure, I'm not qualified to make that judgment. Most people just do their best. And these babies need our best. They need our devotion and care and love. They need a solid foundation from which to build. And each parent's best is different. And each parent's abilities vary. That is okay. With all our imperfections, we still get to be mothers and fathers.

woot woot

Ya'll I went shopping. But let me explain!!! Wednesday I had a mystery shop located in the Springville Walmart. We were also running low on milk and ripe fruit (there's a pear sitting in the friut bowl that is determined not to become appealing) so I needed to make a WIC trip. And I did. And that (plus toilet paper and coasters - NOT FOOD ITEMS) is all I did.

I was mentally set. I knew I don't have the control to not purchase great deals so I simply didn't look. I got what I need, kept my eyes on my list and my children and hurried through the store.

Some of you might understand the significance of this accomplishment, the other set of you and just nod and smile at me.

Heads up for the next trip though. I've noticed that we're running low on things like chicken stock base... and item I like to have on hand but not exactly part of the menu budget and a pretty chunk of my seventyish dollars. [sigh] I guess we'll just have to see how it goes.

And that about sums it all up! Thanks for reading. Talk to you next time!

i did it! my first cash-only grocery trip

I did it! I think I mentioned that above... I went grocery shopping with cash. This is probably the first time I’ve intentionally gone to the store with just cash since my credit cards days began at age 17.

I started by breaking out food budget down by day. We have a monthly amount of $240 for food. I considered just doing weeks, but then that leaves 3 days left out to dry at the end of the month. In a month of 31 days that comes to $7.74/day for a family of 5. Now to some people (like Tara) that might not seem steep but I just took it as a challenge (that I expected to fail).

I planned to shop for 9 days of the month with the 1^st already past. That left me with a budget of $69.68. I can do that.

I sat down with the sales papers and theobsessiveshopper.com. I wrote down all the great deals, where they were located and their price. Then I got out some cook books and made a plan of meals based off of the ingredients on sale this week. Plus Kraft Mac-n-Cheese, a special request from Katie. Done and ready to go to the store.

Then Aaron came home. The man was supposed to bring treats to class so he went and purchased a few things. There went $15 and bought me a yummy milk shake he’s wanted to get me for a while. There went $4. So I’m down to $51. ::grumble grumble::

Lesson number one: your family has 2 adults in it that can spend money.

Aaron was home today so he watched a sleeping Joel while the other ladies and I headed to Wally World. Over all, it was a nice experience. Clare slept basically the entire trip and Katie was quiet. Had either of them been a distraction, it would have been much less pleasant. At check out I totaled $42.02. I knew I needed to leave some left over in order to have some wiggle room in case something comes up before next Friday’s trip.

I won’t share my shopping list with you, but let’s focus in on a few things.

Salmon. One of our local stores was selling salmon for $2.99/lbs Best price I’ve seen in over a year. Walmart prices matches. So I pick up 2- 1 lbs bags. We’ll only use one tonight and I’ll add the second to our frozen food storage. This is the type of thing I would normally purchase several more of. So far, I’m not lamenting it because I knew I only had so much on me and a goal (and a blog to hold me accountable) but come the time after next when I want fish… you’ll hear it. I’ll wail that loud.

Leeks. Well, at 2.48/lbs, when I need 2? That’s not gonna happen. Potato and leek soup is off the menu.

I did get some tea for sore throats that was a splurge. Yet I still had money left over.

Now in the spirit of full disclosure during this experiment, we do use WIC. With WIC I can only get certain things so if we didn’t have WIC and I needed to come up with baby food, it wouldn’t cost as much as it did today… but WIC paid for it today and they only have certain items they cover. That being said, milk, tuna, lentils, baby food, and goat milk were covered by the Utah tax payers today (thank you, we really do appreciate it and you can send any hate mail to my email). So I did not count them in my budget or my total.

Lesson two: I only really plan for dinners. Breakfast and lunch are generally covered by WIC and leftovers.

Lesson three: making our own bread is making a financial difference. Since I refuse to do it in the summer, we all better pray Aaron has a job by then.

Lesson four: I haven't redone our food budget in forever. I don't know how much we actually consume. Sometimes I throw in toiletries and such which throw the whole month off. Today, I purchased soap and detergent separately (sorry check out guy).

Conclusion: I might be able to do this… if I can keep myself out of the store for the rest of the week.

a missed lesson: nobody's fault

I've added a 3rd most stressful time of the day. (And yes, you can have 3 most. For example, I have 3 children and each is my most favorite.) It is the time when the older two need to get ready for bed and the baby's eyes are red because she's so tired. I sneak into a dark room, wrap her up, kiss her forehead and lay her on my lap while I search the web and rock my legs. (Hey, it works for us.) Doesn't sound too stressful right? Well, add the other ingredients of a 2-year-old cat (or a boy who thinks he's a cat **meoooooow**) and a sensitive teen, uh, 5-year-old and a small house. STRESSFUL because the baby is just almost asleep with the cat comes in meowing loudly while the big girl whines because she can't get the toothpaste on her toothbrush... you get the picture.Cute, nutcases...

Tonight things aren't any worse than normal and then Katie starts really crying. The hurt cry. And Joel's laughing. Apparently, Katherine was leaning on the bathroom door and Joel opened it "on purpose!", she fell and hurt her wrist.
"Can you move it?" "No!" (As she bends it.)
"Okay, keep getting dressed and we'll go from there."
[sob] "Okay!"

The oldest child then goes into the hallway and is confronted by a concerned brother who wants to make sure she is okay. She tells him she doesn't want him to talk to her and that he hurt her.

Now I'm still not quite sure how to deal with this "victim" thinking. It irritates me so I know I have my own personal stuff that flavors my perception of what she's doing. But come on! You were leaning on the door! So, the baby's still on my lap but I say something anyway.

"Katie. I don't think he meant to hurt you."
"Yeah huh. He saw me."
"Honey, you were leaning on the door! He didn't know you would fall when he opened it."

Baby goes to sleep (sweet angel that she is) and we continue with the bedtime routine. And she brings it up again.

In all honesty, I can't now recall how the revelation came but at some point during my "you were leaning on the door" and "he didn't know it was going to hurt you" the light bulb clicked on and Katherine's face changed, "You mean its no body's fault that I got hurt?!" All my "what ifs" and "well maybes" and need for accuracy got shoved down as I said, "Yes."

I don't know if it was anyone's fault? I don't feel qualified to judge that in this situation. What struck me was the questions: Have I missed teaching her that lesson? Because yes, sometimes it is no body's fault. There isn't always blame to go throwing around.

This experience coincides with how lately I've reflected on the ways I respond when Katie states I've injured or damaged her in some way. The little ones are taking their ques from me and I really don't know how to react exactly. Mostly I validate her feeling and move on without accepting the responsibility... uh, even if it really was kind of maybe my fault she missed out on something or I hurt her somehow.

So I don't want to accept too much responsibility thereby reinforcing the idea of being a victim but I don't want to model not being accountable for my own actions. Perhaps, I'll just be straightforward and upfront. Duh, that makes perfect sense.

Still, sometimes things happen and its no body's fault.

$$$the rest of the days and Divine intervention$$$

Well, day 10 ended up being chicken enchiladas. That's when I realized we only had 4 tortillas left and no canned enchilada sauce with no time to make my own.  :-) Oh well! Heavily stuffed tortillas and tomatoes for a sauce.

Thanksgiving leftovers served us for nearly a solid week after Turkey day so that took up most of the end of the month! And they were soooo yummy. It's one of the few times a year I have gravy. And I do enjoy me some gravy.

The frozen pizza dough turned into 2 pizzas and a calzone (since I ran out of sauce). Those were yummy, but, I did mention I love pizza, right? And there was a McDonald's evening but I wanted to meet a friend and when you have kids they need somewhere to run around so McD's it was.

If I'm going to be honest (oh, I don't like this)... I WENT TO THE STORE!!!! But I did limit myself! I'M SORRY! I HAD TO!!! But was only a few times!!!! Okay, maybe "had" is a strong word, but, but, but.... Well there we ingredients to our Thanksgiving contributions and okay, while I was there it is impossible for me to not to pick up great deals I KNOW we'll use when I can get them for tremendous discounts. I know, I know! But there is a balance, right? I'll borrow from December! (Which is why I may borrow from January in December, it's a vicious cycle.)

Still, our freezer is less full, the food lasted longer than I anticipated it would and I might have spent $ at the grocery store but it was much less than it would have been without this little task at hand.

During one of these said trips I had an interesting experience. I forgot my wallet and by a stroke of luck (or Divine intervention) I happened to have Katie's preschool $ in cash because I forgot to drop it off first. After realizing what I'd done and that I would have to pay for everything with cash I found myself being very conscious not just of "this is a great deal on something we use!" but also, "do I have enough cash on me right now to pay for it?" So, I've toyed with the idea and [gulp] I think I will pay for our groceries this month in cash. Only cash and only groceries. Let's see how much we really DO eat. There, I typed it and now I can't go back.

I'm always torn. If you stock your pantry with sale items you'll use later, then use those items you are basically always eating at a discount. I like to think of it as shopping your pantry. Now, this is smart. BUT if you don't have the money then you don't have it! No matter how great the deal is. So. I'll try an experiment and see if maybe I can find that balance somewhere in the month of December.

I'm terrified.