Anyone more familiar with the current research is welcomed to correct me but from what I recall it is by age 6 that most of us have our schemas in place. What is a schema you ask? I look at a schema as the rosie or any other colored glasses through which we view the world. I think of schemas as filters through which we sift all information and experiences that come without out sphere of experience. It is how we see the world and ourselves in it. If these are set by the age of 6, take a guess as to who has the most influence over what schemas a child develops.
I believe that one of our human needs is to be loved. Wouldn't it be wonderful if parents could create an inner sense of being loved within their child? I think that would make it easier for said child to experience the world as loving and generate love for others. Feeling a sense of love makes it easier to take risks and do scary things aince there is a sense of security. And love heals.
This post is about words. Yes, actions speak louder than words, as the saying goes, but words do speak. I also think they set the tone in a household and create a foundation on which actions may be interpreted. Well, for me anyway, but I am wordy. :)
So for the past few days I have brainstormed on things I say to my children that create (I hope) a sense and knowledge that they are loved. These are little golden nuggets, short and sweet, easily dropped from my lips as a child runs by, as I pause for a hug, as I bid them good night for the second time, etc. I'd like to know what you golden nuggets of love look like. I am interested in expansion. :)
Here goes:
You are my favorite big girl.
You are my favorite baby.
You are my favorite boy.
Mommy loves you.
I'm glad you came to our family.
I'm glad you're my girl.
Turkey butt.
Of all the Katherines in the world, you are my most favorite.
You are so pretty.
You are so handsome.
Who loves you?
I love you THIS big!
I love you.
Man, by age 6? That's crazy. I try to give a lot of golden nuggets throughout the day... in hopes that all the hunks of coal I throw out there are covered up. Those lumps of coal sure make me hate myself sometimes... but I apologize for them and I think it's important to apologize to your kids, it shows that their feelings matter and that they are important and that mommy's and daddy's can be wrong sometimes too. Some of our nuggets are:
ReplyDeleteI love you sweet girl/boy.
You're beautiful.
You are such a good big brother/sister.
Your brothers/sisters sure love you a lot.
I'm so proud of you, you're such a big girl or for {insert reason here}.
Thank you for helping me, your my best helper.
You're my silly cooky nutcracker! {hopefully literally for a while ;) }
You are such a good baby!
You are so stinking cute!
I sure love you A LOT!
To name a few...
Kylee, you are so funny. But I totally get what you are saying. Thank you for sharing.
DeleteEach of my children have a song that is only sung to them. Katia's is "you are my sunshine" and Gabriel's is an old English rhyme my Nana used to sing to us when we were little. They really like it. Just a couple more are:
ReplyDeleteI love you with ALLLL my heart
(Katia's new favorite) I love you with ALL my bumm, I would say heart but my bumm is bigger.
good job!
You are such a smart little boy/girl
You make my heart smile
and tons of hugs/kisses/and "all a lump of sugar"
with "all a lump of sugar" everyone in the family gets in a big group hug and sing "all a lump of sugar, all a lump of sugar, all a lump, all a lump, all a lump of SUGAR!"
I tried doing the song for only them but those kids started requesting each others'! Cute golden nuggets. :-)
Delete